Missing someone who not meant for me.

Dear blog..

I'm gonna visit u often starting from today. you're the one that I can trust now. This morning I keep thinking of HIM. Yes, HIM! I remembered all the things that he had done to me. All the sweet moment we had before. It just to sweet but once I remember all the lied, the hatred conquer me! I suddenly hate HIM so much.. I really hate HIM.. I just dunno why?! I'm confused and lost. OK, I admit I'm lost right now.

MY STORY FOR YEAR 2013 AND EARLY 2013

It been a while I didn't talk about my relationship right? Well, everything had settle now even thou it is a little bit ( not so ) harsh. It end not so well like before. I find out that HE cheats so many girls after me and when he with me. I just couldn't believed it. HE was a nice guy. Yalar, very good looking but that is not HIS true color. HE lied to me and HE feel guilty and that's why HE left me. But im still stupid by believing him and the relationship can be saved if I keep connect with HIM. And know I realized how stupid I am and how hard Allah want me to know the truth from beginning. I never put trust on faith but now I do. After TOTALLY broke up with him, but the pain and all truth keeps haunting me and keep reminding me all the lied that HE had done. It just really hurt. I think myself now is very pathetic. Yup, I move on but I think my heart keep beating but I lost my soul. It's like a living body without soul. This time it really hurt me. Before HIM, I still can live normal after one week but this time it really killing me with this feeling. I think I almost get crazy. I feel weak and useless. I just dont want to share with others because it really hurt until I dont want to talk about it anymore. Some people said that it is better sharing your problems rather than keeping it yourself, but I can! the more story that I tell others the more I hurt! My life is really pathetic and now im starting to get scared. I'll be 27 this years and I broke up 5 times where each of them dump me with different style and excuses. sometime i think it was my faith maybe, not fated to be loved. I think only Allah knows my feeling now. I keep to put my trust on Allah. Allah knows better but sometime I may loose the trust. I have my parent but I couldnt share with them, I have my bestfriend but I dont want them to know the reality, I have enemies who makes my life harder and harder. Oh Allah, please make all this hard life go away. Dont makes me kill my self because of this problem. I just couldnt stand anymore. Its killing me from inside. I know Allh would not give any test to his servant where Allah think he/she couldnt bear it, but Allah Im not sure till when that I can stand with this.. Sometime I wish Allah take all this feeling away, let me live without feeling of happy or sad..

LAMA SUDAH!

Im sorry my Blog. Its been a while since I wrote down here. Its been a hard ime for me this year. I dunno why? it maybe Allah Love me more this year? Hehhe.. Maybe lah!